Passive mumblers & grumblers

When I hopped on the bus the other day, every seat was taken but one, and even though there were people standing in the aisle (including elderly people who usually bum-rush all and any available seat), nobody attempted to claim it. I waited a few minutes, trying to figure what could possibly be wrong with that seat: Was there some sort of filth on it? Did the person in the neighboring seat smell? Nope and nope, so I went for it. As I was climbing over the lady in the neighboring seat she said to me: "You'll freeze in that seat, the AC vent is directly over it". I smiled back and said: "Not a problem for me, I love AC!" She looked at me as if I were crazy and then let me through. Thanks to the silly Italians and their delicate internal thermostats, I scored me a seat on a long bus ride. And between you & me, it was not freezing at all, it was rather pleasant and refreshing (and I was only wearing a T-shirt!) because it was hot out.
The Italians kept mumbling and grumbling about how cold it was, people with seats under the AC vents kept getting up and standing in the aisle instead. The bus was abuzz with complaints YET nobody did what I would consider the most logical thing to do in a situation like that: Ask the driver to lower or shut off the AC.
I sat back and watched with amusement as people got bent out of shape, complained out loud and to each other with such fervor. Then suddenly, a foreign woman who was wearing a turtleneck and sweater (hence, was obviously enjoying the AC) suggested these whiners go ask the driver to shut off the AC, since 95% of the people were complaining. One brave soul finally got up the nerve and did it. Lo and behold- the driver shut off the AC! Cue: collective sigh of relief from the Italians.

I can't understand why, for the most part, Italians are so passive. If something is bothering you (and a majority of people) WHY NOT take action to improve the situation, especially when it could be so easily improved? Why just sit there and complain?

In all my years here, I've noticed that Italians are Olympic gold medalists at complaining (loudly, rowdily, individually, or in groups) but rarely do they actually voice their beef with someone in charge or even take the simple steps necessary to resolve the situation. WHY IS THAT? Is there some cultural hang-up about being proactive or confrontational? Is it considered inappropriate to speak up? I've noticed this in old & young alike, even some of my friends have this tendency. It seems ridiculous to me, why bother using so much energy to complain instead of simply using that same energy to fix what's wrong? I'm not saying people have to be aggressive and demanding, I'm just saying that 90% of the time, situations like the one I just mentioned could be easily resolved by speaking up. It blows my mind to be surrounded by a nation of people who will stew in their indignation, will get worked up about it, but are too passive to speak up or stand up to make a real change.

Kids these days...

"Kids these days...." I love saying things like that, it amuses me. BUT today I really do mean it!

I overheard a conversation on the tram between some female American students and it went something like this:

The other day in class I was soooooo tired, it was like crazy, I could barely keep my eyes open, it was like I wasn't even in class. I think I may have to start taking Concerta before class from now on so I can pay attention.

Mind you, a few seconds before, this same girl was talking about how she's been going out every night, drinking like there's no tomorrow, doing pub crawls, etc...

I couldn't help but think, try getting some sleep and drinking less, THEN maybe you'll be able to pay attention in class- DUH! Kids these days are so quick to pop a pill for anything instead of taking more logical steps to resolve their "problems".

Say what?

I've always wanted to document all the crazy "English" shit I see written on Italian clothing but never seem to have my camera with me when I need it. BUT the other day I managed to get a shot of this shirt at Oviesse:



Yes, technically it is correct but what the hell is it about? What does that mean??

Guessing game

Okay, this is a question for all of you who don't live in Rome or aren't familiar with Roman public "transportation" (can you sense the scorn?). If you were to see a yellow wooden circle attached to a bus stop pole, what would you think it meant?




Answer: it means the bus/tram that usually stops there will not be stopping there but only before a certain hour and after a certain hour (naturally there was no signage referring to these mystery hours either). Try explaining that to all the tourists- Italian and non- who stood in the baking sun waiting for AGES for the 8 tram to pass only to discover that the 8 tram had become a bus and was stopping at the side of the road instead of the middle platform.

Way to be user-friendly, Rome!

Oh no they didn't!

Flier for a pizza place in San Lorenzo which roughly reads: Other people may have Briatore as their manservant, but we have... (photo of Obama).

Highly digestible?

An Italian friend of mine recently opened a pizza a taglio joint in NYC so while I was stateside, I went to check it out with some Americans. One of the first things these non-Italians commented on was the description of the pizza: "highly digestible".
Since I know Italian and more than anything, I know my Italians, I understood it was a literal translation of alta digeribilità- which is a HUGE selling point for any food product here in Italy. As most expats know, Italians seem to have delicate digestive systems so it's important for food to be easily or highly digestible...but this "benefit" has no pertinence in American culture. Americans can relate to something that's defined "light" but "highly digestible" makes no sense to them even if the translation is technically correct. Digestibility is a concept that's lost on an American audience, don't you think?

Only in Brooklyn...

Sinful?

Is buying lottery tickets or scratch & win cards considered gambling? Is gambling considered a sin??
While I was playing some lucky numbers (or so I hope) at my neighborhood tabaccheria, I saw a priest buying a stack of Enalotto tickets and scratch & win cards... if only I had my camera with me!

Postal mystery

Last week I finally received my absentee ballot- YAY! So as not to take any risks, I decided to mail it back directly through the post office instead of buying stamps at a tabacheria.
I mailed it out on Saturday morning and this morning I found it in MY mail box. WTF??? I went back to the post office just now to try and find out why this happened. The postal clerk stared at the envelope for 10 minutes but could figure out no logical reason. I'm thinking the postal employees might've gotten confused by such a complex, official envelope.
We decided to draw an arrow near the recipient's address just to make sure and the postal clerk sent it out again without charging me. Fingers crossed!

Feccia del mare

Love this, spotted it at the Roma- Lido di Ostia train station. Instead of "Freccia del Mare" (which literally means arrow of the sea but idiomatically can mean sea express), someone cleverly scraped off the R so it says "Feccia del Mare" (scum of the sea). Too funny, especially considering how nasty Ostia is!!!!

You know it's August when...

You know it's August when even the homeless junkies are going on vacation! I overheard this conversation between two Roman junkies on Via Natale del Grande (which was recently coined "Beggars Boulevard"):

Woman: Io me ne vado al mare, ho bisogno di fare un po’ di vacanza.
I'm going to the beach, I need a little vacation.

Man: Pure te? Se ne sono andati tutti!
You too? Everyone's gone!

Woman: Aoh, quando ci vuole, ci vuole!
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do!

And they say Italy's in a recession... Ha!

New Italian rules

"Tourists beware: if it's fun, Italy has a law against it..."

Rai Due's response to this article (just now on the news) basically said: Many of these law and more exist in England and the Brits have no problem abiding by them, yet when they come to Italy they like being on their worst behavior.

Whoa- do I smell a cat fight??

Di dove sei?

Contrary to what I'd like to think, I do have an accent when I speak Italian. Mind you, I certainly do not sound like Dan Peterson, but I admit that at times an American twang can be heard... My accent or lack of, usually depends on my mood: if I'm tired, stressed, or overworked, my Italian and my Italian accent suffer. And naturally, if I have to speak about topics I lack vocabulary for (ex: explaining to the washing machine repairman what's wrong with my machine), then you can really tell I'm not from around here!

But in my defense, there have been many occasions where I've been involved in conversations with Italians who did not realize I was American until someone revealed it or until I said a word like "computer" and blew my cover. When I have American friends visiting, I usually act as interpreter between them and the locals, who often ask: "How did you learn to speak English so well?" Oh the joy....

I'd say my Italian has a definite Roman inflection* (as does my vocabulary), after all, this is the place where I officially learned Italian and became fluent. Side note: Italians and Romans get a kick out of hearing an American speaking Roman, let me tell you!

But on those days when my Italian is debilitated, you can bet your money I'll hear this: "Di dove sei? Non sei di qua?". Argh! I find it odd that in such a big city, the locals are still so amazed by the fact that foreigners live amongst them. Yeah, I know they ask out of curiosity and to strike up a conversation, but sometimes it's just downright annoying to have someone point out your accent, especially when I am well aware and self-conscious about the fact that I'm speaking shitty Italian. Would a random stranger in a store in NYC say: "You have an odd accent when you speak English, where are you from?". I've never seen it happen... If anything, that question comes up once you get to know the person and are learning more about them.

Yep, it's a little pet peeve of mine, along with being called "ragazzina" (little girl). Hello!? I'm 30-something and I still get called "ragazzina" in this country. In some ways, it's nice but at times it can be an obstacle. Picture this, I have a meeting with someone for work and the secretary calls up to the boss and says: "C'è una ragazzina qua per te" (There's a little girl here to see you).... Uhh, that doesn't exactly work in my favor now does it?

*Oddly enough, when I first moved to Italy, people kept asking me if I was "Sarda", I'd yet to learn that word for "a female from Sardinia" (at the time I assumed that word would've been "Sardiniana") so I thought they were asking if I was deaf (sorda). I've never set foot on the island of Sardegna but maybe I should!

Hotdogs?

Whenever I see these "Wudy" hotdogs in grocery stores or on TV, I can't help but chuckle. Maybe it's the Beavis & Butt-head in me...

Cheeks & chokes?

What's this ad for again? Canned artichokes? 

Uh, yeah... not sure I get the connection between butt cheeks and artichokes. Come on people, can't you be a little more creative?!

My dream job

This NYT article talks about the pooper scooper law in Brooklyn and the people who are paid to enforce this law. I'd LOVE to be the pooper scooper enforcer in Rome- anybody have connections at the Comune??

Things that go bump, smack, shout in the night

Since I got back from USA, I've been woken up about 3-4 times in the middle of the night. And this time not by a howling dog. There was howling all right, but from a woman... 

Yep, the always awkward topic of loud-sex neighbors. Normally it wouldn't bother me but trust me when I say this is some freaky shit. It starts with banging (not THAT kind of banging!), as if someone or something is being thrown against the wall, accompanied by shrill cries and "No, no, basta!". It then progresses into moans, groans, and some serious ass-smacking which is so loud and painful-sounding (judging by her screams), that I think it's performed with a belt or whip. This goes on for quite some time, and by the end I always wonder if she's dead or alive. Seriously.

I'm not the only one who noticed it- the person who sublet my place while I was gone emailed me asking if she should call the Police because she was convinced the woman was being beaten.

I wasn't sure where the noise was coming from but I suspected it was my neighbor, a lovely lady who doesn't seem like that type. But hey- you never know what goes on behind closed doors, right? After being woken up again at 3:00AM, I decided enough was enough... The next day I wrote a diplomatic yet decisive note and left it in her box. She came by later that day to talk, and guess what? She's not the noise-maker, it's actually coming from the apartment above hers and she's fed up with it too. We had a good laugh over the fact that I thought it was her, luckily she was amused and not offended!

Later that night they were at it again so I got out of bed at 2:00AM and marched downstairs to the portone and rang their buzzer (now that I knew for sure they were the culprits)... by the time I got back to bed, the noise had stopped. I also left a note in their mailbox and since then I haven't heard a peep out of them. 

What I found odd was that everyone in the building was annoyed by this racket but didn't do anything about it. I realize it's an awkward topic for most people, but leaving an anonymous note is a pretty painless solution. Why do Italians feel they have to suffer silently? 

I ran into my neighbor this morning and she smiled at me and said "Thank you so much". 

The perks of living in Italy

Bet you never thought I'd type out those words!

Despite my bitching & moaning, there are lots of things I do like about living in Italy. One of them is the fact that I'm a foreigner. Yep, being straniera comes with many many perks, my friends. Perks that I became aware of only after I'd settled here and been living here for a few years. Such as:

1) I can wear whatever the fuck I want.
When I starting sporting my red birkis outside of the house, I was getting some intense stares. Not "Those are so cute where'd you get them?" stares. More like "Are you on crack going outside with red plastic clogs on?". Though I do notice the stares, I couldn't care less. I've always been rather immune to these things all my life. The funny thing is, some of my Italian friends justify my quirky choices by saying "Well, you know... she's American" as if that gives me the freedom to walk around wearing a garbage bag if I wanted to. For the record, I also sport Dansko clogs and know they aren't particularly pretty but they're ridiculously comfy- so who cares!
A few years back I was working more or less full time for a subtitling company in their office. I'm allergic to suits and dress-up clothes, so I wore what I'd normally wear: jeans, T-shirts, etc. Not sloppy, but definitely not business attire. I can safely say I was the most under-dressed person there. One day I get a call from the boss lady asking me to come in the next day for a meeting with a BIG client she was trying to snag. I normally didn't deal with securing clients but I agreed to attend. Before she hung up she said "Careful about what you wear tomorrow". I automatically thought- Hell no, I'm not getting dressed up to do something that's not even my duty. But before I had a chance to protest she went on to say "Make sure you dress like you always do, all American with your weird T-shirts and sneakers". Whatchutalkinboutwillis? Apparently she wanted to assure these big clients that she had a real, live American working for her who would translate their films into perfect American English. So not only did I not have to dress up, I was begged to come to work in casual gear- right on!

2) I can say whatever the fuck I want
This perk comes into action once you're fluent. If you're still fumbling with the language, you might not fully enjoy the power of this one. I get away with murder- I can say just about anything to anybody. I'm well aware that I don't have this impunity in my homeland, in fact I rarely (almost never) mouth off to people in NYC because I know better. Here in Italy though, I mouth off with no fear. At times people will snap back, but no bodily harm is inflicted. And lots of times they merely shrug it off saying "Oh well, she's American".
Same holds true in the workplace. Being straniera gives me the liberty to say stuff I probably wouldn't in the American workplace- I protest, complain, curse, criticize their procedures and they actually seem to LOVE it. One of my "employers" (I'm freelance so he's not really my boss), after witnessing one of my tirades, decided it would be beneficial for him to sit down and have occasional meetings with me to pick my brain and get my input on how he can tighten up his business. And I give it to him--- straight up.

3) I can do whatever the fuck I want
Many years ago, when I was the first female to step foot in a testosterone-filled raunchy kickboxing gym, they all stared at me with hostility as if I were an intruder. Once they realized I was American, they were more willing to accept me as one of "the boys". I got a glimpse of that hostile stare again when I showed up at the gym wearing flip flops in the summer... Mind you, this was before flip flops were trendy & acceptable as outside footwear in any place other than the beach in Italy. After they all harassed and mocked me for about 20 minutes, they brushed it off with the usual "that crazy American girl!" and all was well.

4) I'm always "interesting"
Even if I'm feeling sluggish and anti-social at an event, I'm automatically considered "interesting" because I'm a foreigner. It's pretty sweet, I must admit. I can utter 2 words and people will be fascinated with me because I'm a foreigner who's lived in Rome for so long. This also has a downside though- being bombarded with the same ol' questions about America, about why I'm in Italy and what I think of it, even if I'm not in the mood to play that game.

For the most part, being foreign here is fun, for me at least. I know several expats who ended up leaving Rome because they were tired of not fitting in, tired of being seen as an outsider, tired of being foreign... But that doesn't bother me much, maybe because I've always been a bit of an outsider by choice.

There is another side to the coin, of course. There are some VERY annoying disadvantages that come with being a foreigner here too. I'll get into that next time.

"Efficiency in progress"

I can't help but chuckle!

Sweatin' it

Overheard today on a street near Largo Argentina:

Mother walking on pedestrian street with her two kids. One of the kids (probably 5-6 years old) starts running.

Mother (yelling at the top of her lungs): Gianni, non correre! Ma perché devi correre e sudarti tutto?

(Gianni, don't run! Why do you have to run and get all sweaty?)


Oh, oh, oh! I know the answer! Why does he have to run and get all sweaty? Because he's a KID, lady! Give him a break!