Just say no

As the bus went bumpety-bump over the cobblestone streets, I saw something that is all too familiar here in Rome but rather disturbing to me nonetheless: a sleazy 70 year old man intensely staring at a scantily clad girl whose body parts were also going bumpety-bump. He then went on to ogle every single female that walked by him, shamelessly staring at tops and bottoms as if it were his God given right to do so.

The male gaze in Italy is something I've never made peace with. And you know what I mean by the male gaze in this context- I'm not talking about glancing at someone briefly or doing a double-take, I'm talking about vulgar, invasive staring, usually accompanied by unsolicited comments and or sounds.

Now, I know this happens all over the world- I've traveled the globe, thank you, and I have seen it in many places. But I must say it's pretty rampant here in Italy and disturbingly enough, most females don't seem bothered by it... or worse, some actually seem to enjoy it! I find it neither charming nor flattering when a male stares or makes comments/sounds. Au contraire, it completely offends me and annoys me. What makes you (man) think that you have the right to visually penetrate a complete stranger who happens to be female? What makes you (man) think that a female is actually interested in your comments about her appearance? What makes you (man) think that you are free to treat a female as if she were an object for sale? Not cool with me. I've seen too many foreign females and even local females being "coaxed" by such tactics and I always find it so immensely difficult to comprehend. What's the kick? What about dignity- why allow a man to reduce you to a mere figure, a facade, a one-dimensional being? You're being judged for nothing but your external shell and instead of contesting you find it flattering?!? The objectification of women in this country is overwhelming: from TV, to ads, to cinema, to the streets- there's no escaping it. I'm not saying pick a fight every time some dude stares or makes a comment (although me and my scrappy self have such tendencies), I'm just saying have some dignity and don't allow yourself to be disrespected.

I had a visitor for the past few days and while strolling around with her, I realized she was one of those females who plays into the whole male gaze game. Picture this: she's blonde, blue eyed, and has ginormous boobs. Needless to say she, or rather "the girls" were being stared at by men of all ages and she actually seemed to enjoy it as if it were a self-esteem booster. Obviously it's not her fault she's well-endowed but she was exchanging glances with the starers and smiling at them. While haggling at the market stands, she would purposely get very close to the vendor (male), smile, and bat her eyelashes. I was aghast! I found it so demeaning and humiliating that a person could reduce herself to tactics like that for a 2 euro discount. If I want a discount I can just ask for it in a nice, simpatico way like any human being would- why flaunt and flash to get favors or to make people take you more seriously, IF anything it has the opposite effect. Why do women feel compelled to do shit like this? Why do women need men's approval in order to feel worthy? Come on ladies, we've come this far, let's not regress!