Encore

Today’s topic: public transportation… AGAIN!
I really do not understand why it's so difficult to manage the buses, trams, and trains in a city like this. I’m a compulsive organizer and I, who have no experience working in city administration, could list a few hundred things they could do to make the system more efficient and user-friendly. One for example: make announcements when trains are late or cancelled. It’s as simple as that. At least this way, passengers could plan accordingly, take other buses, trains, metros, whatever. But no…
This morning after waiting 30 minutes for my train (which is normally supposed to arrive every 15 minutes) I started to get suspicious because I saw lots of VERY disgruntled looking commuters. I asked around a bit only to discover some of these people had been waiting 2 hours for a train, but nothing had shown up yet. After 1 hour of waiting for my trenino to Tiburtina, not ONE single announcement was made regarding why, when, or what. There were rumors that some Neapolitans had been fined by the Police for not having a ticket, so said Neapolitans got off the train and protested on the tracks at Tiburtina, blocking train traffic for 4 hours… that seemed a little insane to me, even for Italy! I still have NO idea what happened or why the train took forever to show up and when it did show up and I got in and sat down, I overheard passengers saying it wasn’t even going to go all the way to Tiburtina. At that point, my nerves were shot, I was sweating like a hog, and the last thing I wanted to do was try to find another way to get to work. So I called in and said “I’m working from home today.” The end.

Point of no return

I have reached the point of no return, work-wise. It’s not the first time, and I’m sure it won’t be the last either… Let me rewind and fill you in on my history as a freelance translator:

In 2001 I started working as a freelance translator/subtitler by chance. I was working exclusively for a small but important agency that translated films for many major festivals. It was amazingly exciting at first, but after 3-4 years I started to realize the boss lady was EVIL, a truly nasty person who treated everybody and anybody with total cruelty and viciousness. She would curse people out, insult them, belittle them, and degrade them in a way I’ve never seen before in ANY workplace. Mind you, she wasn’t in the office that often, but when she was there everybody was tense with fear of her lashing out over a pencil on the floor or a too many packs of gum at our workstations (I kid you not!)
Luckily I had little contact with her, so I was somewhat spared, BUT the Italians who worked there (translating English films into Italian) were treated soooo horribly. If this weren’t Italy, she would’ve been sued a million times for harassment and maltreatment! As the years went by, several colleagues left because they could not stand boss lady any more. When these veteran translators left, boss lady felt it was necessary for her to be present in the office more often. Ugh! I hung on for a few more years, but they were miserable years. I would come home from work all tense and cranky, I would go to work all tense and cranky. And I wasn’t the only one who felt this way, in fact out of the ten women who were working there when I started, only one is left. The rest all quit because of boss lady’s unbearable behavior. Last year I reached the point of no return and told her I no longer wanted to freelance for her because I didn’t like the way she treated her workers. Even though she paid well, the place was within walking distance from my house, and I liked the rest of the people there, it just was not worth the annoyance and aggravation.
After that, I started working for a bigger agency that seemed so promising. Seemed, being the key word here. I knew they paid less, but at the time I just wanted to work in a serene and stress-free environment. So I accepted a part-time “contract” (one of those lame co-co-co contracts), at least I could use the rest of the day to work from home on my other freelance jobs. Like I said, the pay wasn’t good, but I decided to try it out anyway and see how I felt. At first it was wonderful working in this relaxed, harassment-free place but after a while I realized that my personality and work ethic didn't agree with the general attitude there. Why? Well, the boss guy basically pays his translators as if they were factory workers. Meaning you get paid X per hour, whether you translate 1 film or 10 films did not matter. Note: X is a pathetic amount of money, some cleaning ladies make more than that! So the translators compensated for this miserly pay by taking 10-minute breaks every 15 minutes, by working as little as possible, and by spending most of the day chatting and avoiding work. I have to say, this is NOT my style, but I tried it for a few months only to realize it was impossible for me because I LIKE to work, and I work quickly. The idea of having to slow myself down or force myself to stop working every 15 minutes was unbearable. With all due respect, I really don’t understand how they do it. How can you work in a place where you are so appallingly underpaid and be happy with slacking off or doing the bare essential necessary? They don’t seem to care, they have no pride or passion for their work, it’s all about bringing home that measly paycheck at the end of the month. I think this attitude is fairly common in the Italian workplace, especially in public offices. But I cannot live or work that way, it's torture for me.
Anyway, for the past few months I’ve been feeling miserable about this work situation, angry and unsatisfied with being underpaid while doing more work in my part-time hours than the rest of the translators did in their full-time hours, SO I reached the point of no return again and quit. I sent my resignation email today and told them I'd terminate my "contract" at the end of this month. If they want to hire me as a freelance translator, I'd gladly accept but the rates need to be decent, not extravagant, but decent. Enough is enough!!!!

Family fun & hooters

Is it just me, or is this ad downright wrong? Why advertise a family water-park with a picture of Miss Hooters straddling a dolphin? So inappropriate.

Say no to crack!

After reading this post by Kataroma, I was reminded of one of my favorite “bad translation” experiences EVER!
A company I was freelancing for asked me to re-read a translation of a very lame Italian film called “South Kensington”. I was told this translator was very highly regarded in Britain so I was only supposed to change things that were really, really wrong- but of course the production company insisted there would be close to zero errors. To top it all off, they asked me not to taint the film with my American language because they considered American to be an inferior dialect of British English. Yeah… ANYway, what follows is a list of some of the more amusing errors this CRACK-smokin’ translator made. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life! Needless to say, I promptly contacted the production company and in my best American accent, I pointed out every single error and it felt good!!!
Unfortunately, if you don’t understand Italian/Roman dialect, you might not entirely get it, but I just couldn't resist.
Enjoy!

(Two characters are talking about soccer and a player by the name of Nesta)
Se non era per lui, col cavolo che vincevamo.
=
If it weren’t for him with his cabbage head, we’d never win.

(A girl is trying to pick up a man at a bar. His friend notices and says to him…)
Questa ci sta provando con te.
=
This one’s tasting you.

(Two men working in a bank)
Ti ricordi il titolo danese che seguivo?
=
Do you remember that titled Dane who I followed around?

(Referring to a bottle of champagne)
E’ finito.
=
It’s over.

(Young kids hanging out, rolling joints)
Accendi questa canna.
=
Turn on the cannons.

(Two guys talking about a very ugly girl who just walked into view)
Questa non si può guardare.
=
I can’t watch this.

(Person at a Chinese restaurant commenting on the food)
Buono l’involtino primavera, eh?
=
The rolling spring, eh?

(Two co-workers speaking to each other)
I capi vanno coccolati.
=
Bosses love hot chocolate.

Yogurt = nudity

What’s the deal with yogurt commercials in this country? Why do they always use naked or semi-naked ladies to sell yogurt? I just don't see the connection...

It’s that time of year again!

It’s that time of year again- Italian income tax returns! I was called into my accountant’s office this morning to file my tax return. When I got there they informed me that I had been selected for a “Studio di Settore”, which is more or less like an audit. You can imagine how thrilled I was. The irony of it all is: Italy is the land of tax evasion, everyone and their mother evades taxes… except for me, yet I AM being audited! During my 6 years of self-employment I have literally fought to convince clients to invoice me and NOT pay me under the table because I do not like the idea of cheating the State or not paying what I rightfully owe. Call me naïve, but as I see it, if everybody contributes what her/she is supposed to, things would run smoothly.
Now I have to face this “Studi di Settore” and I’m a bit terrified because despite the fact that I’ve been here for 10 years and I speak Italian well, I just do not understand financial/fiscal talk, especially not in Italian! Just to give you a little sample of what I’m in for:

La disciplina degli studi di settore è stata introdotta nel nostro ordinamento dall’art. 62 bis del D.L. 30 agosto 1993, n. 331, convertito dalla legge 29 ottobre 1993 n. 427.
Il sistema tributario dei primi anni settanta aveva ancorato la determinazione del reddito d’impresa e di lavoro autonomo alle risultanze delle scritture contabili. Ciò aveva, conseguentemente, determinato l’introduzione di vincoli e cautele all’utilizzo, da parte degli uffici tributari, di accertamenti induttivi che dovevano considerarsi del tutto eccezionali e legittimati solo in presenza di gravi irregolarità contabili commesse dal contribuente. In tale contesto gli accertamenti induttivi erano destinati a costituire una quota non significativa del totale delle rettifiche eseguite.
Si realizzava così il paradosso per cui il sistema finiva per privilegiare il contribuente-evasore, che però aveva fatto attenzione a tenere in regola le scritture contabili, penalizzando invece il contribuente che pagava interamente tutte le sue tasse, ma che aveva semplicemente dimenticato di ottemperare ad alcune regole formali, come ad esempio la vidimazione di un registro contabile.
Gli studi di settore sono stati introdotti per superare le incongruenze del vecchio sistema, per “regolare” e prevenire eventuali conflitti, nel nuovo clima di lealtà e collaborazione che si respira nel rapporto Fisco -contribuente, anche grazie all’introduzione di istituti come l’accertamento con adesione e l’autotutela. In questo nuovo rapporto assume finalmente importanza tutto quello che è utile a circostanziare la posizione fiscale effettiva del singolo contribuente in relazione alle caratteristiche oggettive della sua attività.

Say what?!?!

Wholesale translations?

Okay, so the other day I get a job offer from this translating agency I occasionally work for and it goes like this: They’ve just acquired a new client who has given them something like 80 TV episode scripts to be translated into English. “Yay for me!” I thought. But as our conversation continued, my enthusiasm died down. Since this TV company is offering the agency a HUGE amount of work that will probably last an entire year, the agency feels they should give the TV company a discount on the translation rate. Which means that I, the translator, will get paid even less because naturally the agency needs to make a profit off of this job too. Essentially, they’re asking me to lower my already modest rate 5 Euros. Uhh, I don’t get. I'll still be putting the same amount of work, time, and effort into the job whether it’s one page or 100 pages, so why should I accept a pay cut? Because I’ll have more work or assured work for a year? If you ask me, I’d rather take fewer well-paid jobs than a year-long crap for pay job. Even though my translator colleagues assure me that “si fa così”, I still don’t like it. It makes no sense to me, it’s not like baking one cake as opposed to 5 cakes. At least with cakes you just quintuple the ingredients and voilà (sure, you’d have to decorate them individually… but you know what I mean!). More pages is more work, it doesn’t get easier after you translate 50 pages, it’s the same mental strain. I explained my point of view to the agency and told them I’d think it over. I’m still thinking…

ode to public transportation

Public transportation, how I loathe thee, let me count the ways…
I’m one of those ex-pats who has NEVER driven in Italy. I have an American license but I’ve never had a car here because my neighborhood is a parking nightmare, plus with registration, insurance & gas, I probably couldn’t afford a car anyway. I’m scared shitless to drive a motorino (riding on the back of one suits me fine though!) soooo I’m eternally condemned to public transportation. Most Romans I know avoid all “mezzi” like the plague and I don’t blame them. I used to work 5 minutes from my home which meant a nice, leisurely stroll to work in the morning, but for about 8 months now I’ve had to haul some ass: tram to stazione Trastevere then the commuter train (trenino) to stazione Tiburtina. Yes, it’s 1,000 times better than taking the metro which is filthy, stinky, and slow BUT it’s still a pain in gluteus maximus. Let me share with you the joys of my daily commute:
I walk quickly to the tram stop, making sure not to run or I might get tackled by one of the many loose punkabbestia dogs hanging around the small, shit-covered grass area near the tram stop. As the tram nears the platform, I stand back and watch as the locals gather smack dab in front of the opening doors… even if the tram is empty, there still seems to be a race to get inside first and grab a seat. This always grates on my nerves because it’s soooo counterproductive. If they would just let the people out first there would be no need to push and shove, and it would be much more pleasant for us all! It’s common sense and common courtesy.
I watch the smokers outside take their last drag from a cigarette and then exhale INSIDE of the tram. Classy! They aren’t technically smoking in the tram but they’ve just filled it with the smell of smoke for the next 5 stops. On the tram, most people behave as if they were raised in a cave: standing right on top of you when there is plenty of room elsewhere, standing way too close behind you, not holding onto the bars and thus plowing into you once the tram accelerates, hogging the bars and leaning full body into them hence squashing your hands, or harassing you with the “scende alla prossima?” question even though there is plenty of room for them to go around you (note: I normally do not block the doors, as I consider it a major public trans faux pas, but if the tram is crowded you use any space you can get). As we reach the big stop, half of the tram has already huddled around the doors as if there were some invisible prize waiting for the person who steps off the tram first. The tram doors open and we are greeted by hoards inconsiderate passengers shoving their way inside before we’ve managed to step out. At this point I’m usually muttering under my breath. But wait, there’s more!!!
Next I have to walk through the always foul and smoky stazione Trastevere. Despite all of the no smoking signage, people are puffing away in the lobby and in the underpasses. Side note: I actually wrote a complaint letter to Trenitalia about that, so far no response! (YES, I write complaint letters, that’s how I am … it’s part of my character to fight for what I think is right). Speaking of underpasses, why don’t people walk on the right side of the corridor/stairway? It’s really not that complicated- if those exiting stay to the right, they’d leave room for those of us entering on the right. But instead, you get enveloped in this sea of people pushing their way up the stairs while you elbow and shoulder your way down.
Now I wait at the platform until the train decides to show up, it’s usually about 5-10 minutes late every day. It shows up, I step back and watch the senseless “let me shove my way in before everybody gets out” game, then I step inside like the civilized person my mamma raised me to be. There is one positive aspect I must mention- I have ALWAYS found a seat on the train. It may have been filthy or stinky or in a non-air conditioned car but I’ve never had to stand.
And that is why I hate public transportation… I know, lots of whiny whining BUT I feel I have the right to complain because I actually buy a yearly bus pass unlike the majority of people. So there!

it's not the 25 cents...

Taxis in Rome: not my favorite topic but it’s on my mind right now. Why? Well, I had another run-in with a taxi driver. Here’s the story: I’m running late to meet some friends so I hop in cab. We reach my destination and the meter says 8.75. I’m paying by credit card (I asked before hopping in because not many cabs are equipped with credit card/debit card readers) and as I'm about to sign the receipt, I notice the total says 9.00 Euro. So I ask Mr. Taxi Jerk why the meter says one price and my credit card receipt says another. He brushes it off by saying: “That’s what WE usually do”. We who? All taxi drivers? Romans? Service providers in general? At this point I’m late but annoyed enough that I’m not going to let it go. I let him have it and specify that it’s not about the 25 cents, it’s the principle. He has no right to round up, it’s not acceptable and furthermore it’s illegal. Mr. Taxi Jerk starts to get freaked out because he thought I was just some clueless, gullible foreigner but he now realizes he’s in trouble. He tries to calm me down by saying: “Don’t get mad” (yeah, like that’ll work!) and even offers to give me 25 cents back. Too little too late. At this point I storm out and am already plotting my revenge. I have a credit card receipt that can be traced back to the vehicle and driver, and I intend on using it.
I called the cab company the next day and told them my story. They were very courteous and apologetic. I was asked to fax the receipt so they could find out who the culprit was and take necessary measures. As some of you may know, taxi drivers in Rome constantly rip foreigners off: taking the longest routes, adding mysterious surcharges and whatnot… I say enough is enough, just because I have a slight accent does not mean I’m an idiot. So hopefully justice will prevail and I feel good about that!